My Blog

my heart beating fast
like it can’t hold anymore
i felt it aching
as if needles piercing thru it
i can’t hold the pain
but my tears ‘re pouring like rain

my mind was blank
hoping it was just a prank
there’s no soul left in my shell of body
there’s no more thoughts and thinking

perhaps all along i’ve been fooling myself
or the joke works well on me,
unrealising.
how naive i could be
looking down on the possibilities
tt could kill me softly.

i can’t do anything,
but drowning myself in words.
listening Fields of Hope,
but where can i lay my hope?
no more fake truth,
no more false hope.

I don’t want to be fooled,
yet
I…
was scared.
Of the cruelest truth:
……

Mon, Sunny+windy, 10′C-18′C
UK 9.30pm / MY 4.30am

"these r not chickenpox la…" khoo saw my leg’s bruise n exclaimed it n said we’re all young children =.=. he brought me to Ealing Hospital this morning, while cat accom me there. i was so scared, trembling slightly, praying nth serious will happen.

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me n cat went to register at the reception, but we kena marah by a woman there. then we dunno where to go but to wait khoo in front of hosp. then we headed to the "accident & emergency" wings to register.

the first doctor saw my leg, he said maybe it’s bitten by insects. but unknown. so he asked me to go to another wing called "minor injuries". we waited there for quite a long time until a nurse came n said " Y U WAIT HERE? I WAS CALLING UR NAME SO MANY TIMES!" khoo terkejut pulak n stand up but the nurse ask him to sit down again. khoo was suggesting if i hv to visit hospital tt often he might call the school to give an accommodation to me in the hosp. T_T

finally tt’s my turn. the doctor checked, but he seems dunno wat’s tt as well, so he asked another doctor to check on me. then both of them oso said those r insects bites, they suggested to cure it properly but i dunno wat they goin to do. they told me to go to another room n wait. later i saw a nurse pushing the medicine dropping stand (i dunno wat’s the proper name for it). sudenly feel so scared. then i was told tt i have to inject 2 packets of antibiotics.

khoo help me to take medicine at pharmacy, n i paid 25 pounds. i hv to go back hosp again on friday, so paiseh to bother khoo again since it’s Easter holiday. the doctor told me, "if i din c u on friday, i’ll kill myself".

Ti gong, Guan yin, tua bek gong, xian shi bo bi……*pray*

How could i catch a heart?
i don’t know.
i don’t know how to.
How could i hold someone?
Seems belong to me,
but somehow i wondered.
How could i always stay in the place?
Where nothing is able to move me away,
Where nothing is able to take my place.

I couldn’t catch a heart,
but i try to make the heart mine,
showered with the love and cares.
I couldn’t hold someone,
but i try to grasp it tightly,
despite the circumstances and obstacles.
I couldn’t stay always in the place,
but i try…to be strong,
n prove it as time goes by.

Sun 1/4 sunny, 1′14′C
UK 6.15pm / MY 1.15am

i like chicken alot. chicken sausage, chicken ham, chicken burger, chicken chop, chicken steak, chicken wrap, chicken cooked in wine, beggar chicken, fried chicken, steam chicken, chicken soup……….

n now, chickenpox found me. at this place, in this time, where i found nth familiar with.

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counted today, i reached london jus for 13 days, around 2 weeks. but all-it-can-happens happened on me. some baka said these are all ‘new experience’ tt not everyone can experience it =.=" since i pengsan, then my skin problem made my fingers now like demon’s fingers (or it just suits me?). few days ago, i found one fishy spot on my hand, but i dunno wats tt. i accidentally pressed it n some watery stuff came out (bluek….~) the nex day, another same spot i found on my leg. right at the place we hv to use a lot of mechanism when walking…tt made me so painful while walking (n walking a lot is a daily must here).

i tried to consult pharmacist, but they jus ask me to put antiseptic cream. they said only 1-2 spots need no worries, unless 10-15 spots came out at once then only need to consult doctors. alrite, jus as the pharmacist wished (being sarcastic), right at tt nite, i found 10-15 spots on both of my legs. how misfortune it can be. i feel so scared coz i dunno wat r those things. until cat n kristine (my 2nd mummy) saw, they suspected it could be chickenpox. so they said jus take a rest n see whether more spots comin out or not.

so this morning, the red spots last nite turn yellowish n consist liquid inside. T_T omg. the worst thing is u feel itchy but cannot scratch. just like when ppl slapped u u cannot say "Ouch!"
and in this place where we hardly familiar with, there’s so much food i can’t eat n so much things i can’t do. luckily i got a mummy here who cook for me, boil herbal tea for me, hug me when i feel cold. reli thx to her a lotzzzzzzz. n got a nice boss here, who is oso known as God of Direction, lead me around as a big bro, take off his jacket for me when i can’t tahan the wind (ai seh…~), n a cat who come visit me n accom me, also cooked maggie for me. thx, thx n thx.

Reli glad tt i hv so many fren around me in this far. n thx baka for his ultimate jokes tt cheer my day up, where news of my cousin passed away surprised me while i’m far away from my hometown. cousin, rest in peace. i always said this, but it always applicable n i need to accept facts.

Life is Unpredictable, Unchangable.
Yesterday is history, Tomoro is mystery, Today is always a gift.
Be contented, enjoy life as much as we could,
Spend lotz time with family n frens,
Life could be as full as this.

Frenz, do pray for me okay? here dun hv temple i can only pray in my heart. wish me get well soon.

I’m sorry chicken = =